As little as it seems, I've conquered Day 0! And I'm 75% through Day 1 right now and I'm doing awesome! My husband and children ate at Taco Bell for lunch, I ordered nothing and instead stopped by the store and picked up stuff for a grilled chicken salad. And the salad was so fulfilling. I just couldn't find satisfaction in knowing that for 2 of their 'diet' tacos (which are 360 calories, 180 calories each)that was almost half my calories for the day. I could have had 2 shakes or soy snacks for that and still had less calories! I've cooked food for the kids several times and didn't touch any of it. I've found that the craving for ice cream, (which has been absolutely horrible), can be easily averted by freezing my before bedtime protein shake. It's all about the mind re-routing right now... Make the brain think it's getting what it wants. I have my soy snacks as a mid-afternoon snack, that helps the craving for crunchy or potato chips. I feel as though I could rule the world, even though I'm only on Day 1. I've been reading Portia De Rossi's book, Unbearable Lightness, and I'm almost finished with it. Let me tell you, it has been so enlightening and makes me feel like I'm not the only one who has ever had a food addiction. Even anorexics have a food addiction, they just don't overendulge like compulsive overeaters do. I'm relating so much to how she felt with the food aspects... Also bought another book called Food, Fitness, and Faith for Women. It's a 21 day book that provides ways to improve yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I started it today and I'm loving the encouragement it provides, even if I have heard those words time and time again.
Over the holidays, I threw out my scale. I wasn't happy with the numbers and it has been off before. I am now going through scale withdrawl, but I know it will help me in the long run focus on the long term goals of staying healthy, not just dropping weight. I did get weighed yesterday, and from the end of August until now, I have gained a total of 48 lbs. Not something I'm happy with... Not something I like.... and not something I want to continue to do. I want to be happy again, I want to be on the road to being healthy again. I want to be my 'skinny' again. I liked myself at 236 lbs. So.....
I'm starting my weight loss support group sessions again next Wednesday. I miss the support and without support, it makes this journey almost impossible. While I know that I can do it and that other people are doing it, the group sessions just make it click.
I'm taking this one day at a time, as any addict has to. I know its not going to be easy, I know I am not perfect, and I know that I will meet resistance. But the key to becoming 'clean and sober' is to be a fighter and not give up. NEVER GIVE IN! It's hard knowing that it's taken me almost a month to get over Day 0. And worse, I know that if let just one candy bar, or chocolate chip cookie, or one scoop of ice cream pass my lips, I will have to start the journey all over again. I want to break this YO-YO cycle, and I WILL break this addiction! If not for ME, which is who I need to focus on to succeed, but for my children and their future.
